Tuesday, 8 March 2011

A New Age of Chefs

To make it clear to everyone, two or three years I was not annoyed in the slightest by tv chefs. Jamie Oliver was simply cooking, Heston Blumenthal was a guest on a couple of cooking shows, Masterchef was a simple cooking programme, Ready Steady Cook was still amusing. Now bamb! its 2011 and all chefs think they're Gods.

First of all what is up with "Jamies 30 Minute Meals" it is a complete and utter farce! I mean if Oliver's being honest he should simply call the programme "Jamies not so thirty minute meals" because I tell you they are impossible to complete in anything shorter of at least two hours. When he's cooking in "his" kitchen he's got the bonus of everything already being prepped ready for him- if anyone else wanted to this they would have to spend an hour, cutting/ slicing/ dicing/ grating/ buying/ washing/ open packets etc. Also isn't it amazing how his oven warms up within minutes. I tell you what if you want to watch Jamie Oliver do anything that is remotely entertaining- watch the episode of Jamies Food Revolution in America when he realises no one cares about him and he begins crying. A few last words on the Jamie Oliver subject- Sainsbury Advert "Don't just eat food taste it", I could give him a few choice words in response to his.

This years Masterchef has also annoyed me no end. What is up with making it into an x- factor cook off thing. What was wrong with the old format, the viewer rating enough must have shown that this was popular. Where is the ingredients test? The BBC even realise its rubbish putting it on two days a week. The BBC are to blame though for selling it off in the first place! If it wasn't for John and Greg I would give up watching.

Then you've got snob of snobs Hugh Fearnly Whittingstall who takes up programme space beyond programme space with his wittering on about how he is better than normal people because he can afford to buy a whole cow and get a butcher round to talk to him about it. Why can't someone introduce this weirdo to a thing called- Tesco, no he has to pick his apples and eat the worms and all, then he's eating weeds.

But the evil of all super evil chefs is Heston Blumenthal. He has literally taken over the whole of a little picturesque village called Bray. He's already bought the villages only two pubs and restaurant- why doesn't he just stick a sign up saying "welcome to Blumenthal land". Then what is up with these programmes about changing restaurants menus- leave Little Chef alone it may sell rubbish food that tastes like eating cardboard but that's what you look for in a Little Chef, NOT SNAIL PORRIDGE.

Anyway I give up. I advise if you want  to watch something to do with food just watch the eating side of it- Man Versus Food. 


Georgina said...

Although I completely agree with the Masterchef comments (it has been completely ruined and I used to loovvveee it!) but absolutely, completely, fundamentally disagree with your comments about Heston ---
-First of all, he is barely a 'celebrity chef' that commonly exists. He has changed the world of gastronomy and won best, and second best, restaurant in the world for several years and just wait for next year when 'Diner' at the Savoy gets entered. (Unlike Jamie Oliver etc. whose restaurants are chains and never cooked at by their namesakes)
- Also, no one forced anyone to sell those pubs to him. I'm pretty sure that one of them was going out of business anyway but he showed up and brought it. People are just jealous of success. Also, he put Bray on the map!!
- The little chef thing. Let's be honest, little chef never used to be as bad as it is and some of heston's more normal suggestions (hotpots etc.) looked yummy and suitable. Little Chef just used him for publicity.
- Finally, two points... His name is Heston, which is pretty awesome. And he has touched my car and looked at me, which is pretty awesome.

If you ever get an offer to go to the Fat Duck then I would be more than willing to relieve you of the horror.

Georgina said...

Oh, I also love Man V Food.

ADAM, ADAM, ADAM! I would marry him :)

M Whit said...

Yes Adam is amazing
And Heston is a celebrity chef because he does all those terrible channel 4 programmes
But yest the whole him touching your car thing is pretty cool